Sometimes it’s okay to walk off the stage.

My mom always told me, if you don’t like the play you’re in get off the stage.

I would prefer to reword that to, if you don’t want to be in the play, don’t get on the stage in the first place.

But sometimes life isn’t that easy. Choices and options are something most of us generally have, but it doesn’t always feel that way.

To a lot of people I may seem like someone who jumps into things quickly or jumps out of them even more quickly. But I like to fail fast, iterate, and take lessons to the next place. 
And sometimes — ideally- that happens within the same context (a company that I believe in, a supportive marriage, a house that feels like home). 
Long-term is always the goal. But short-term testing helps me get there.

When I was in high school it felt like my world was falling apart (hello, family dysfunction and teenage angst). 
I had been taking private piano lessons for 8 years and had another annual recital coming up. I couldn’t get my nervous system to calm down or my mind to focus, but this classical piano business required me to memorize a bunch of pages of sheet music.

I’m okay at memorizing but I’m better at sight reading. And this particular year I just couldn’t memorize the song in time for recital. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it but my mom insisted I get on the stage and play the song from memory.

Well, dear reader I got on the stage. And I walked off the stage. Mid-song.

Yes, in the eyes of many, I failed.

While I let down other people, I felt that my intution had been right. 
I wasn’t prepared and maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but even though I had 7 years prior track record performing memorized piano pieces, I experienced a defining moment where I quit piano for good.

It didn’t fit into my life anymore at that time.

It was embarrassing, humbling, but also reinforcing — that I could trust myself. So why did it take me another 15 years to really get that?

Along my path since that moment I’ve said yes to plenty of opportunities just to see where they lead, and enjoy making the most of them. 
From applying to a job (and getting hired) at the Ellen show from LinkedIn, to buying my grandmother’s 1963 house and committing to home renovations as a single woman. I jump in and do the thing and call it an adventure — with gusto.

But I’ve also said yes to a lot of things that I didn’t feel were right in my gut. I don’t regret them because at the time it was the best I knew to do. But when we get on “a stage” where we know we shouldn’t be, that can cause a lot of tension. I’ve experienced this in my career. It’s hard to know when a company or team might not be the right fit until you’re there.

But sometimes the gut feelings are screaming warning signs. When I ignore those and think I can get on the stage and perform anyway, that’s where trouble comes.

In summary, this post is about alignment and thinking before you leap. 
Some people have told me I’ve lived too many lives for my age. I’ve explored a lot that life has to offer.

And I’m learning to slow down, move with intention, and get clear upfront. 
Because while the world is our oster, it’s important to know how to make a pearl — and stick around long enough to see that through.

-Jessica